A Son's Letter to his Father: Dear Baba, I've Failed!

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4 minute read

Dear Baba,

On the week of your 59^th birthday, I wish to write something to you that I as a son can’t easily express in person.

Maybe that’s how a father-son relationship is, special in the heart yet not so palpable in person. I wish it weren’t true. But still, thank you for everything you have done for me.

There are people around who think I’m this smart, talented guy, someone who has a bright future ahead of him. But Baba, to be very honest, I don’t know what they are talking about. I’m never sure about myself and with each passing day, I’m even less sure. Not that I’m complaining either, it’s okay, I know!

I wish I could come to you and tell you about everything that has transpired in my life- all the good and the bad. The good times like when my mentee Arushi told me that I had helped her become closer to her dad. But also about the cruel times when I took wrong turns, people took advantage of me, of the times I made a fool out of myself and let you down. But I can’t do that. Not because you wouldn’t listen or understand, but because I feel I would be shifting a lot of my own burden to your shoulders. And you’ve already carried a lot of burden; I couldn’t possibly add more.

Baba, on your 59^th birthday, your 24-year-old son wants to tell you of his failures in life and it goes something like this:

Love:

Baba, your son probably had found the love of his life but had to let her go. He did it because he wasn’t ready for her. He accepted this fact and let her go not because he thought highly of himself; that he could easily find a replacement but rather because he sensed it would be unfair on her. Your son has learnt that freedom to just be is the best gift you can offer to the person you love. He has come to understand that love isn’t about possession; to love is to love unconditionally, without judgment or attachment. Your son has come to know what love is after he let his love go. 

Money:

Baba, I’m sorry. Your son was naïve for he chased money thinking it would bring him happiness. But having lost a hell lot of your hard earned money that you trusted him with, after spending hours crying and fretting about the lost cause and catching a disease in the process of trying to get it back has taught him that he was revolving around a wrong circle all this while. He now realizes the difference between needs and wants. He has observed people chasing money but Baba, they aren’t happy for their wants aren’t satiable; they want more. And they don’t even know why they are chasing it. Perhaps, to have a better car, better house, or something better than people around them. Baba, your son has realized that he may win the race but he’ll still remain a rat. The hard learned lesson has come at an expensive price but it will forever remain a degree in your son’s school of life.

Fame:

Baba, your son doesn’t think being in the spotlight is the answer to life’s pain and suffering. He’d happily live in the dark. Being around people for too long enervates him, drains him. He needs to be away time and again. He isn't as sociable as you'd perhaps have liked him to be, but he wants to skip the limelight and hopes you are okay with that.

Career:

Baba, your son wants to thank you for not forcing him to choose a specific career path. He thanks you for allowing him to figure his own way.

He wants you to read this text he got from his childhood friend a couple of months ago and wants to credit you for it:

“Heard your podcast and it was just what I needed at the right time with the very strong reminder to me 'never too late to start' and of the many childhood dreams that's actually pending. And man it’s so good to hear you. I mean, ok I don’t know what you sounded like. Always planned to meet, but never met you. After hearing you, the meeting is rescheduled in my mind now. Seriously, I always thought you would become a doctor or something, engineer, lawyer, etc, but good to see you coming up as a writer/ blogger/ motivational speaker etc. what else do you do ajhai? Appear in magazines also! Doing good with life man! Inspires me and so many around! Keep going!”

Your son has nothing figured out yet. Status, title, big fat salary, reputable job, they just don’t appeal to him. But he wants to tell you that whatever work he does from now on till the very end, he will try to positively impact lives.

Life:

Baba, your son faces a constant battle every night when he asks himself, “What are we really after?” He can’t ask anyone that because it’s too Sagar Satyalish a question for many. But your son knows Baba, that people are just distracting themselves and keeping themselves busy because they fear asking themselves the real questions that truly matter.

But Baba, your son is different. If you think of the times he has failed with love, money, flow, or life in general, you’d come to realize that your son who everyone just knows on the surface and thinks has brains, probably has none. But on your 59^th birthday Baba, your son wants to tell you that he does however have a heart, a heart that exists because you gave him the right values of love, honesty, compassion and integrity. And Baba, while everyone else is after money, success, and fame, your son wants to tell you that he’d rather be happy with a sense of gratitude than chasing what will always remain elusive to him. And he hopes you will be okay with that.

 Happy 59^th Birthday, Baba!

Read my other writings on my new website www.themindfulnepali.com and stay updated about newer posts!

Nothing but Gratitude!

Read this blog on my new website www.themindfulnepali.com and stay updated about newer posts!

4 minute read

A year back, I lost a part of me in the Nepal Earthquake 2072. I lost my best friend.

She was my source of happiness; she meant the world to me. Never in a million years would I have ever thought we would have to drift apart. “I want you to be happy wherever you are, okay?” she used to tell me. I always took her remark for granted and didn’t pay much heed to it. The reason? It was something inconceivable and hence, I found it futile to discuss a life minus her.

But then life happened.

I can feel some awwwwwws and awkward silences coming through the computer screen right now. “Poor guy! Must be miserable..” you must be sympathizing.

But a year on, I’m happy and I want to tell you why.

Today at this particular instance, I feel happy; I feel content. I feel grateful for the life I have been blessed with (yes, despite the tragedy I had to go through). Not just today, but this is a ritual I practice every day. Each morning, as I sit for lunch before leaving for work, I take a moment to realize how lucky I’m. Before I feast on the warm food served to me with so much love and affection, I take a deep breath and savor that wonderful little moment to realize how fortunate I’m to have a roof above my head that protects me from the hot and cold, good food at my table so that I don’t die of hunger and a few loved ones surrounding me to make sure my heart isn’t cold and empty. These three possessions might seem so basic in nature but in reality are larger than life.

“I have those too!” You must be echoing. But I wonder how many of us stop to think of the basics we’ve been accustomed to and feel grateful about it? Ever wondered what would it be like if there was no shelter? Or no food to survive on; let alone getting to choose from delicacies three times a day or being without people who want the best for us? What would a world like that look like; be like? My mind can only imagine so far and my heart doesn’t even want to feel the plight of that precarious situation again.

Yet still, we go through the motions every day often failing to acknowledge what we have and this is where it gets sad. That daunting realization I had when someone who I took for granted got taken away from me. Can you think of anyone in your life that once meant so much to you but then life happened and the two of you just drifted apart? Imagine how you’ll feel if something happens to that person tonight and you don’t get to hear from them every again. (I don’t have to imagine for I know how it feels and trust me, it isn’t a pretty feeling.)

For some strange reason, we are always on the outlook for something beyond. We all dream of that next big bungalow we can show off to our neighbors and relatives but in the midst of wanting for more, what is here right now often gets overlooked. We humans always want that next car, that next jewelry or that next pay rise. It’s plain stupid because that approach means just one thing; that happiness is always elusive to us. We’re experts at looking at what we had, wish we had or want to have but what about right here right now? What about the present?

A wise man once talked about how everything in life is relative. A friend of mine often says, “No matter how well you think you’re doing, there’s always going to be someone with a better car and more money than you.”

What’s the point of comparing then, anyways?

You are lucky. You have a best friend you can always go to. But still, I will not compare myself to you and cry over what I took for granted and lost. Instead, I choose to be grateful for what I do have right now because I’ve understood this the hard way: what I have can be taken away from me anytime.

I feel grateful that I’ve come to understand the difference between ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ at an early age. A roof above my head, few loving ones and food at my table remind me that all my needs are taken care of. I might want a host of things but focusing on them will remind me of how happiness is still far-fetched for me. Past is gone; future is uncertain. All we have is the present and if our happiness depends on the things that are already gone or are still elusive to us, can we ever be content with the present? We go to bed by setting an alarm for the next day but is there any guarantee that we’ll wake up tomorrow?

At the end of the day, what are we after? I’d think happiness.

But can happiness wait? How long can we wait before we become happy again?

Today, I’d like to start a brand new day with nothing but gratitude. My best friend, wherever you are, whatever you are doing, just know that I’m grateful for the times we shared and the lessons you taught me. You couldn’t save me but you taught me to save myself.

Thank you!


Read my other writings on my new website www.themindfulnepali.com and stay updated about newer posts!