Finding My Own Path

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3 minute read

"When you travel lightly, you're freer, less burdened, less tired. This applies to life, not just travel."

-Leo Babauta

Once in every two-three months, a familiar voice rings me up from Down Under. It's a voice that is an epitome of true friendship; a voice that has been there for me ever since 6^th grade. Despite the jubilant feeling getting a trunk call from someone so close to your heart brings, there’s an ambivalent feel to it when I have to answer a few inevitable set of questions that comes up every time.

“When are you coming here? Don’t waste your time there in Nepal. You’ve got a lot of potential and I know you’ll do great here. There’s abundance of opportunity over here and you’ll make loads of money. Don’t waste time. Tell me, when are you coming?”

By the time my friend completes his set of mandatory questions, I will have already prepared myself mentally to switch to a new topic. Sometimes I manage to convolute the conversation by asking him about his life instead, while other times it’s not so easy to dodge the bullets.

I truly appreciate my friend for his concerns regarding my life, especially my future for his intentions are pure and he envisions a ‘better’ life for me in Australia.

From the surface, probably it appears that this good old Aussie friend of mine cannot understand why I’m staying back in Nepal, especially doing something like teaching, writing, and running a podcast, a career path that does not really give me what most people are after- stability and a lot of money. His chief argument is that the type of work that I do is better suited for abroad and that I can attain stability in my life if I’m there.

I have nothing but gratitude for the loving kindness that lies underneath the stern voice that is growing increasingly frustrated by my ‘lack of action’. But as for me, I’m taking it slow, and for the better. I’ve had my share of unpleasant moments and struggles in the past one and half years, but if a sense of recovery were anything to go by, I’d say I’m doing quite well. In fact, I’d say I’ve never been happier.

One of my recovery modes into a happier self has been to slow down. While I see most people around me frantically running around for that next big thing, I’ve quietly come to an understanding that maybe, for me, presence is more important at this present moment than a sense of palpable external achievement; one that is chiefly characterized by productivity. As someone who was always anxious about the future and rushing for I don’t know what, taking mindful steps everyday and learning more about myself and taking conscious actions to understand, envision, and enact a life that’s best suited for me has given me a sense of deep appreciation of life. Inspired by the legendary British philosopher Alan Watts, I’ve come to a profound understanding that life isn’t necessarily a journey that gives a sense of a destination we ought to arrive at; but rather, life is a music to which we are supposed to sing and dance along the way.

This appreciation means finding more time to do the things that really matter to me, rather than pursing ideas just to seek external validation. I don’t feel the need to pursue certain things just because every one else thinks is mandatory, or important, or, lets just say ‘cool’. Slowly but surely, I’m coming to an understanding that everyone’s path is different and that a keen understanding of the self is essential to make an all important decision about the type of life one wants to live.

This is not to say that I’ve it all figured out, the truth is far from it. However, I can take heart from the fact that I’m asking myself the right questions and the answers are unique; for only my soul can answer them. The quest of finding the answers is important, and that is why, I’m doing what’s necessary for me; even if it means cutting out a large part of social media that has been an integral part of my everyday life.

I’m sure you’ve also encountered similar threats to your sense of self; you haven’t really known what you want from your life but the fear of missing out, the fear of falling behind, and the need for approval has somehow forced you into actions that are inexplicable to you.

I just want to ask you a few questions.

Are you happy with your life or with where you think it’s leading you?

Who is making most of the decisions in your life- you, those around you, or your life circumstances?

Are your actions consistent with what truly makes you happy?

If you’re already on a path whereby constantly asking yourself these questions is the norm, other people’s thoughts, actions, and paths undertaken will not necessarily derail you into panic mode. You’ll slowly come to understand that everyone else is equally anxious, confused, afraid, and beneath it all- just wanting to be loved and appreciated.

Once you come to a deep understanding about this, you’ll have a lot more courage to take up your own path; at your own pace.

As for me, as I await the next call from my beloved friend, I know that I’m, slowly but surely, progressing in my own path; even if it doesn’t necessarily seem obvious on the exterior just yet.

Until then, a tad bit of awkwardness in the conversation lives on.

Read my other writings on my new website www.themindfulnepali.com and stay updated about newer posts!

For All Things Ephemeral

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4 minute read

The last couple of my blogs have picked up really well and I can’t thank you readers enough for the same. My blogs are basically my way of expressing what’s in my heart with the purest of intension of helping the readers connect with their own lives and have something to take away. While I always make it a point to never get carried away by the emboldening page views and rave reviews I receive, one question I constantly get is:

“Satyal, how do you write so well?”

As much as I’m thankful for the wonderful feedback I’ve received, I’m going to make an outrageous dictum and claim that I don’t really care if my future blog posts (including this one) never live up to the hype you’ve helped create.

If the past is any indicator of the future, I can say with certainty that this particular blog post of mine will yield lesser page views, will garner lesser audience and will not receive the same applause I’ve been accustomed to over the past couple of write ups.

But you know what? It isn’t necessarily vile. In fact, it is something that garners for itself a sense of gratitude. Let me tell you why.

To put it bluntly, its been quite sometime that I’ve stopped living in the past (and anxious about the future) and burdening myself with a sense of need for accomplishment as marked by external validation. Yes, you liked them. Great! But to expect myself to carry on in the same vein to continue this wave of popularity would be gibberish. I’ve always written from the bottom of my heart and now to suddenly change that into writing for ‘triumph’ validated by external yardsticks like positive comments, page views, and subscriber base would probably kill my ‘realness’ by making me put popularity over being real.

“Is being popular more appealing than being original and staying true to oneself?” I ask myself.

Only a few weeks back, one of my friends messaged me asking how it felt like to be appreciated for my writing prowess. It made me introspect deep within myself and I’m thankful for the question.  Yes, it is undoubtedly a good feeling. But I’ve always been raised in a way that doesn’t allow me to take much pride in anything that may seem like an achievement at the present moment. I’ve taken my life as more of a marathon, and not merely a race; a marathon where the competitors are no one else but my own self- older versions of me and the newer ones locking horns to gain a foothold to claim supremacy in my life.

If you’d met Sagar Satyal a couple of years back, he’d probably be anxious about the success stemming out from the previous blogs. Instead of enjoying the present moment embodied by glowing admiration, he’d be restive about what is to come.

“How do I better the last one?”

“Oh my god! I’m doomed now. Its all downhill from here.”

Those would be the responses of a guy who felt that the world owed him a lot. But after going through some life changing experiences (read more about it here:http://sagarsatyal.blogspot.com/2016/05/nothing-but-gratitude.html), this gentleman has come to peace with what is.

He has come to terms with the ephemeral nature of all things in the now. So instead of measuring it with past accolades or risking emotional meltdown thinking about a bleak future, he has turned into an observer and an accepter. This made possible by a mindful-approach that governs his life.

So when it comes to accolades, praise and fame, he knows its not him speaking; just his ego mind.

This has made him search for within rather than look for outside validity. As long as he knows that his intensions are pure, he will continue doing what’s in his heart.

Only last week, a highly fulfilling mentorship session with a batch of students came to a close. There was a hint of sadness to the room and as everyone shared their parting words, these were mine:

Hi Satyal.

You’ve just completed the second batch of the mentorship program. Great going! Never a day did it feel like work.

I know there were a lot of times when you had every right to go down, feel low, and not turn up. But these kids showed up for you to show up. Never was there a day when nobody showed up. How amazing is that? Did it ever feel like work? Not a single day. You are a lucky guy. You get to do what you love doing. These mentees have showed you that you are indeed worthy of being listened to. And for this, you should forever be grateful. But let me warn you- never rest on your laurels.

And don’t expect much just because this particular session went well. Always remember that everything you have can be taken away from you at one go. And your life experiences have already told you that son. You’ve learnt it early. All you could do was to impart your own learning and experiences to your mentees and you’ve done that. Now set them free. Don’t cage them. Everything either good or bad must come to an end and now it has. You’ve done your part. And if you have done it sincerely with the purest of intensions, you are good my man. You are on the right path. Whether or not the next batch shows up is secondary. If even one of your mentees felt a slight glimpse of sadness upon this program drawing to a close, you may know that you gave it your all. Wish them all well from the bottom of your heart but don’t expect much in return. Don’t expect them to talk to you everyday. Talk good things about you with others. Endorse you in some way. No, not that. That wouldn’t be giving then. It would be doing business. And were you here to do business with your mentees? That would be a sad life. But you are better than that. Let them go out now. Let them LIVE. Let them see the world out there. Let them fall and let them trip. Let them get hurt. But also, let them know that you’ll be around in some ways. Just let them know that there will be someone around in the corner who will be wishing them well for all their future endeavors.

My dear Satyal,

May you be safe.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you live with ease.

As Marcus Aurelius in his book Meditations says, “The happiness of those who want to be popular depends on others; the happiness of those who seek pleasure fluctuates with moods outside their control; but the happiness of the wise grows out of their own free acts.”

And so, in response to the question about how I write well, my simple answer is that I don’t know. I write because creating makes me come alive. I just write from the bottom of my heart; sometimes you like it and other times you don’t. But however way you take it, we both know its ephemeral. That is why, each instance is beautiful in its own ways, just like life- the highs and lows together make it an unprecedented journey.

So if you’ve read this and like it for what it is, I’m thankful you have- for I have, maybe for just the present moment, one reader who appreciates my work.

If you didn't, I’m thankful to you too for that makes me feel grateful towards that one reader who appreciates my work.

And in the course, I’m thankful (not so as to gloat but purely out of self-respect) for staying true to myself.

Like I always say, nothing but gratitude!

Read my other writings on my new website www.themindfulnepali.com and stay updated about newer posts!

A Son's Letter to his Father: Dear Baba, I've Failed!

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4 minute read

Dear Baba,

On the week of your 59^th birthday, I wish to write something to you that I as a son can’t easily express in person.

Maybe that’s how a father-son relationship is, special in the heart yet not so palpable in person. I wish it weren’t true. But still, thank you for everything you have done for me.

There are people around who think I’m this smart, talented guy, someone who has a bright future ahead of him. But Baba, to be very honest, I don’t know what they are talking about. I’m never sure about myself and with each passing day, I’m even less sure. Not that I’m complaining either, it’s okay, I know!

I wish I could come to you and tell you about everything that has transpired in my life- all the good and the bad. The good times like when my mentee Arushi told me that I had helped her become closer to her dad. But also about the cruel times when I took wrong turns, people took advantage of me, of the times I made a fool out of myself and let you down. But I can’t do that. Not because you wouldn’t listen or understand, but because I feel I would be shifting a lot of my own burden to your shoulders. And you’ve already carried a lot of burden; I couldn’t possibly add more.

Baba, on your 59^th birthday, your 24-year-old son wants to tell you of his failures in life and it goes something like this:

Love:

Baba, your son probably had found the love of his life but had to let her go. He did it because he wasn’t ready for her. He accepted this fact and let her go not because he thought highly of himself; that he could easily find a replacement but rather because he sensed it would be unfair on her. Your son has learnt that freedom to just be is the best gift you can offer to the person you love. He has come to understand that love isn’t about possession; to love is to love unconditionally, without judgment or attachment. Your son has come to know what love is after he let his love go. 

Money:

Baba, I’m sorry. Your son was naïve for he chased money thinking it would bring him happiness. But having lost a hell lot of your hard earned money that you trusted him with, after spending hours crying and fretting about the lost cause and catching a disease in the process of trying to get it back has taught him that he was revolving around a wrong circle all this while. He now realizes the difference between needs and wants. He has observed people chasing money but Baba, they aren’t happy for their wants aren’t satiable; they want more. And they don’t even know why they are chasing it. Perhaps, to have a better car, better house, or something better than people around them. Baba, your son has realized that he may win the race but he’ll still remain a rat. The hard learned lesson has come at an expensive price but it will forever remain a degree in your son’s school of life.

Fame:

Baba, your son doesn’t think being in the spotlight is the answer to life’s pain and suffering. He’d happily live in the dark. Being around people for too long enervates him, drains him. He needs to be away time and again. He isn't as sociable as you'd perhaps have liked him to be, but he wants to skip the limelight and hopes you are okay with that.

Career:

Baba, your son wants to thank you for not forcing him to choose a specific career path. He thanks you for allowing him to figure his own way.

He wants you to read this text he got from his childhood friend a couple of months ago and wants to credit you for it:

“Heard your podcast and it was just what I needed at the right time with the very strong reminder to me 'never too late to start' and of the many childhood dreams that's actually pending. And man it’s so good to hear you. I mean, ok I don’t know what you sounded like. Always planned to meet, but never met you. After hearing you, the meeting is rescheduled in my mind now. Seriously, I always thought you would become a doctor or something, engineer, lawyer, etc, but good to see you coming up as a writer/ blogger/ motivational speaker etc. what else do you do ajhai? Appear in magazines also! Doing good with life man! Inspires me and so many around! Keep going!”

Your son has nothing figured out yet. Status, title, big fat salary, reputable job, they just don’t appeal to him. But he wants to tell you that whatever work he does from now on till the very end, he will try to positively impact lives.

Life:

Baba, your son faces a constant battle every night when he asks himself, “What are we really after?” He can’t ask anyone that because it’s too Sagar Satyalish a question for many. But your son knows Baba, that people are just distracting themselves and keeping themselves busy because they fear asking themselves the real questions that truly matter.

But Baba, your son is different. If you think of the times he has failed with love, money, flow, or life in general, you’d come to realize that your son who everyone just knows on the surface and thinks has brains, probably has none. But on your 59^th birthday Baba, your son wants to tell you that he does however have a heart, a heart that exists because you gave him the right values of love, honesty, compassion and integrity. And Baba, while everyone else is after money, success, and fame, your son wants to tell you that he’d rather be happy with a sense of gratitude than chasing what will always remain elusive to him. And he hopes you will be okay with that.

 Happy 59^th Birthday, Baba!

Read my other writings on my new website www.themindfulnepali.com and stay updated about newer posts!

Nothing but Gratitude!

Read this blog on my new website www.themindfulnepali.com and stay updated about newer posts!

4 minute read

A year back, I lost a part of me in the Nepal Earthquake 2072. I lost my best friend.

She was my source of happiness; she meant the world to me. Never in a million years would I have ever thought we would have to drift apart. “I want you to be happy wherever you are, okay?” she used to tell me. I always took her remark for granted and didn’t pay much heed to it. The reason? It was something inconceivable and hence, I found it futile to discuss a life minus her.

But then life happened.

I can feel some awwwwwws and awkward silences coming through the computer screen right now. “Poor guy! Must be miserable..” you must be sympathizing.

But a year on, I’m happy and I want to tell you why.

Today at this particular instance, I feel happy; I feel content. I feel grateful for the life I have been blessed with (yes, despite the tragedy I had to go through). Not just today, but this is a ritual I practice every day. Each morning, as I sit for lunch before leaving for work, I take a moment to realize how lucky I’m. Before I feast on the warm food served to me with so much love and affection, I take a deep breath and savor that wonderful little moment to realize how fortunate I’m to have a roof above my head that protects me from the hot and cold, good food at my table so that I don’t die of hunger and a few loved ones surrounding me to make sure my heart isn’t cold and empty. These three possessions might seem so basic in nature but in reality are larger than life.

“I have those too!” You must be echoing. But I wonder how many of us stop to think of the basics we’ve been accustomed to and feel grateful about it? Ever wondered what would it be like if there was no shelter? Or no food to survive on; let alone getting to choose from delicacies three times a day or being without people who want the best for us? What would a world like that look like; be like? My mind can only imagine so far and my heart doesn’t even want to feel the plight of that precarious situation again.

Yet still, we go through the motions every day often failing to acknowledge what we have and this is where it gets sad. That daunting realization I had when someone who I took for granted got taken away from me. Can you think of anyone in your life that once meant so much to you but then life happened and the two of you just drifted apart? Imagine how you’ll feel if something happens to that person tonight and you don’t get to hear from them every again. (I don’t have to imagine for I know how it feels and trust me, it isn’t a pretty feeling.)

For some strange reason, we are always on the outlook for something beyond. We all dream of that next big bungalow we can show off to our neighbors and relatives but in the midst of wanting for more, what is here right now often gets overlooked. We humans always want that next car, that next jewelry or that next pay rise. It’s plain stupid because that approach means just one thing; that happiness is always elusive to us. We’re experts at looking at what we had, wish we had or want to have but what about right here right now? What about the present?

A wise man once talked about how everything in life is relative. A friend of mine often says, “No matter how well you think you’re doing, there’s always going to be someone with a better car and more money than you.”

What’s the point of comparing then, anyways?

You are lucky. You have a best friend you can always go to. But still, I will not compare myself to you and cry over what I took for granted and lost. Instead, I choose to be grateful for what I do have right now because I’ve understood this the hard way: what I have can be taken away from me anytime.

I feel grateful that I’ve come to understand the difference between ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ at an early age. A roof above my head, few loving ones and food at my table remind me that all my needs are taken care of. I might want a host of things but focusing on them will remind me of how happiness is still far-fetched for me. Past is gone; future is uncertain. All we have is the present and if our happiness depends on the things that are already gone or are still elusive to us, can we ever be content with the present? We go to bed by setting an alarm for the next day but is there any guarantee that we’ll wake up tomorrow?

At the end of the day, what are we after? I’d think happiness.

But can happiness wait? How long can we wait before we become happy again?

Today, I’d like to start a brand new day with nothing but gratitude. My best friend, wherever you are, whatever you are doing, just know that I’m grateful for the times we shared and the lessons you taught me. You couldn’t save me but you taught me to save myself.

Thank you!


Read my other writings on my new website www.themindfulnepali.com and stay updated about newer posts!

Oh to be an educator!

Read this blog on my new website www.themindfulnepali.com and stay updated about newer posts!

5 minute read

"Despite the fear, it has always been about striving for the absolute joy of seeing my students’ eyes light up when I show them possibilities they were previously unexposed to/unaware of. That is what makes me come alive!"

I must confess I was slightly bemused when a young guy who goes by the name of Doniv Pradhan approached me to mentor him. As someone who believes in the power of giving back, it was amiably surprising to get approached for a change. I’ve always complained that we as people are too scared to reach out to the ones we admire and ask them for help. But as for Doniv, he outdid his fear.

But fear is a funny thing. It never really goes away; just changes forms. Once I got approached, the fear he’d released got into me. And it was not because he asked me to mentor him about self-development; I would have done that happily. It was rather because he wanted me to help him become a better writer. "Writing class? What makes you think I can teach you that?" was the honest voice that rung inside my head at that very moment. 

As someone who started writing two years ago as a blogger, I’ve never really had any formal trainings on writing. All I’ve produced so far has been based on my own experiences and my drive to share what I know. Maybe that is why a sudden sense of fear got into me: the fear of being termed incompetent in front of a young guy who was buzzing to learn from someone he deemed a good writer. I must say, I was a bit hesitant to say yes right away but like always, I resorted to my mantra of tackling fear by getting into the basics and asking why. Why had Doniv approached me? The answer was simple; to learn from someone who had relatively more experience in writing. Did I have that? Yes, of course! I’ve been writing for over two years now. Was he looking for an expert? Probably yes. But was I an expert? A definite no! Having said that, deep down, I did know that I was a writer with abundance of passion for giving back and sharing what I know. So I asked myself: what is the worst thing that could happen to me if I started teaching writing? Doniv would probably run away and never come back because what he expected and what he observed were poles apart. But what about the best-case scenario? Well, we’d both be better writers by the end of the session and Doniv would go on to write a book and credit me for it! The average case? He’d become better off than he was and I’d have some experience facilitating writing classes. Regardless of the outcome, the underlying idea was my purest intention to channelize his energy into something that makes him better.

And so, like always, starting with why helped me kick fear out of the equation. Every Thursday, I do a writing class for a group of 5. As I reflect on the classes so far, I think I’ve become a better writer myself in the course of imparting what I’ve learnt. That way, I’m not just a teacher but foremost a learner.

I’ve always believed in sharing whatever little I know in the form of writing (the fundamental reason why I created this blog) and speaking/teaching (why I take classes).  Despite the fear I mentioned earlier, it has always been about striving for the absolute joy of seeing my students’ eyes light up when I show them possibilities they were previously unexposed to/unaware of. That is what makes me come alive! Just today, the same happened in my mentorship class. Sudina(my mentee) was jumping with joy when she applied the communication strategies discussed in class and got a reply from someone she had long admired from the dance scene in Nepal. 

Likewise, the joy I experienced when my 9^th grade student Lakhsmi wrote her first article,  the time when my trainee Bipana started reading Tuesdays with Morrie on account of a suggestion made to her and that moment when my mentee Dipesh started his blog when I had encouraged him to just go out and express himself.  These little priceless moments!

Not just teach but the way my 9^th grade student makes me look at life, the curiosity of my mentees and the energy and open-minded nature my students/mentees/trainees exhibit have helped me learn so much about this wonderful world and myself in the course of giving. And the fact that they lean on you with all their trust makes you work harder to help them with their dreams.

We’re both teachers; they teach me and I teach them.

But then again, it's not always rainbows and butterflies. The way my students write off some of their older professors makes me fearful about the future. What will I be like when I'm 42? Will I still be able to connect with the students like I'm able to do when 24? Will I even be heard or tried to be understood? Or will I simply be overshadowed by my younger counterparts? Will the generation gap kick in and leave me all vulnerable? Truth be told, the fear of losing connection with my students with each passing year humbles me. 

And then there's the society. "If everything else fails, become a teacher." is the sad mentality we widely share in our part of the world. Not everyone gets what being an educator means to you but that’s okay.

“Here comes the ‘sir’.”

“The teacher is here.”

These are some ridiculing remarks I get when I occasionally go out on Fridays. I understand that not everyone will get the passion I’m talking about and it’s completely okay. They will one day; not necessarily by becoming educators but when they get to that moment where they know what it feels like to impact someone’s life or find their element and thrive on it.

I wish for not just them but for you too to find yours soon. But as for me, I have found it. And I want to continue doing what I love the most: share whatever little I know!

Read my other writings on my new website www.themindfulnepali.com and stay updated about newer posts!